September 23, 2008

• I was thinking on my way home from work about high school - about how I had some of the best times in my life in high school (and middle school), but I also had most of my worst times in my life in high school.  Mostly my fun times were just hanging out with friends, but I had a horrible depression that hung over me through the majority of my days.  I was eventually put on Prozac (after a psychotic breakdown) when I was a Sophmore or Junior, but when I was 19 I stopped taking it.  I haven't really had a problem with depression since, and I asked myself why today.  Was it that I suddenly became cured?  Was it the Prozac that cured me?  Was I really not depressed in High School?  None of the above.

  When I was 19 I became addicted to a couple drugs and right after (or was is right before?) I admitted I had a problem and decided to change my life around, I stopped taking Prozac. 

  My recovery was focused on how I felt at that time and dealing with that emotion, not trying to cover it up or become desensitized.  In that process I began to learn how to deal with my depression as well as my addictions.  I know that being where I am as it is right now is a beautiful thing and I don't have to cry because I'm not where I want to be.  I have the ability to be where I want to be or have what I want to have, but crying isn't going to make things happen.

  Dime for dime, experiencing my emotions genuinely is the most beautiful thing I've ever done.

  • 7:38 pm
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